VOL. I · NO. 8599WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 16, 2026
The Daily Buffoon
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WORLD ✒ EDITORIAL ABSURDITY:

U.S. uncovers network that plotted assassinations of Russian ‘dissidents’ in Washington and Vilnius. Among the suspects: an ex-colonel with Putin ties, his FSB officer son, and a Cuban dancer.

Filed 54m ago · Via Meduza · The Buffoon Desk
THIS STORY IS SCORED
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Kevin MacLeod · incompetech.com · CC BY 4.0
Photo: Diplomatic Security Service from Washington, D.C., United St · Public domain · via Wikimedia Commons

The Justice Department says it has broken up a network, dubbed the RIS Network, that recruited operatives to surveil and kill Russian opposition figures in the U.S. and Lithuania and to carry out sabotage attacks in countries allied with Ukraine. Five people — citizens of Russia, Cuba, and Venezuela — face charges including conspiracy to finance terrorism and, for three of them, murder-for-hire; none has been detained.

In the Washington-area case, a Venezuelan recruit was allegedly offered $40,000 to kill an unnamed dissident after supplying surveillance photos and video. In the Vilnius-area case, a U.S. citizen was paid $200 for surveillance, then offered roughly $25,000 to carry out a killing that involved suggestions of gasoline or a knife; he refused, and was reportedly redirected toward sabotage instead.

German broadcaster Deutsche Welle traced one defendant, identified as organizing arson attacks across four EU countries using recruits duped online, to years spent teaching Latin dance in Russia before he obtained a Russian passport. The Kremlin says it has seen no ‘coherent evidence’ from the Justice Department.

The full dispatch is available from the source below.

✒ FROM THE EDITORIAL DESK
An unwritten rule against killing each other's dissidents on home turf apparently went the way of most unwritten rules, which is to say it held right up until somebody decided it didn't. Charging five people who mostly aren't in custody is a fine start, but it isn't the same as catching them. Still, when a dance instructor moonlights in international sabotage, you have to admit the cover story had range.
Source: Read the original at Meduza → Scored: Duet Musette · Kevin MacLeod · CC BY 4.0
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