VOL. I · NO. 8583MONDAY, AUGUST 31, 2026
The Daily Buffoon
WHITE HOUSE ABSURDITY: 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

Judge rules Justice Department can force-feed defendant in National Guard shooting

Filed 1h ago · Via Florida Phoenix · The Buffoon Desk
THIS STORY IS SCORED
Lamentation
Kevin MacLeod · incompetech.com · CC BY 4.0
Photo: The White House from Washington, DC · Public domain · via Wikimedia Commons

U.S. District Judge Amit Mehta authorized the Bureau of Prisons to force-feed Rahmanullah Lakanwal, who is charged with killing Army Spc. Sarah Beckstrom and wounding Air Force Staff Sgt. Andrew Wolfe in a November shooting near the White House. Lakanwal has refused food for months and has pleaded not guilty to all 17 charges.

The order permits nasal feeding tubes, IV feeding, or use of an already established stomach tube, but not surgical placement of a new one, and runs through Oct. 28. Mehta, who previously declined similar requests, has noted Lakanwal has also refused medical treatment and has appeared gaunt and in a wheelchair at hearings.

Lakanwal is an Afghan national admitted under a humanitarian program after the 2021 withdrawal; the shooting prompted the administration to pause immigration processing for Afghans, a move a federal judge later reversed. The guard members were stationed near the White House as part of a crime crackdown amid falling violent crime rates.

The full dispatch is available from the source below.

Source: Read the original at Florida Phoenix → Scored: Lamentation · Kevin MacLeod · CC BY 4.0
ADVERTISEMENT
Read it scored.
Every story, every clown, every kazoo — in your pocket. Music plays automatically. Regret is optional.
GET IT ON iOS GET IT ON ANDROID
© 2026 The Daily Buffoon · Satire, scored. Privacy · Support · Music credits · On satire