VOL. I · NO. 8606WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 23, 2026
The Daily Buffoon
ADVERTISEMENT
COURTS ABSURDITY:

Central African rebel commander convicted of torture, cleared of war crimes

Filed 1h ago · Via Courthouse News · The Buffoon Desk
THIS STORY IS SCORED
At Rest
Kevin MacLeod · incompetech.com · CC BY 4.0
Photo: David from Washington, DC · CC BY 2.0 · via Wikimedia Commons

The International Criminal Court convicted Mahamat Said Abdel Kani of four counts of crimes against humanity for torture and abuse committed at a Bangui police headquarters in 2013, while acquitting him of war crimes charges because judges ruled the relevant armed conflict had already ended.

Prisoners at the site were bound, held underground, and beaten; one victim testified he was suspended and beaten so severely his hands stayed paralyzed for nine months. Judges found Said held authority at the facility and played an essential role in targeting suspected opponents, even though his exact rank in the broader Seleka coalition could not be established.

One judge dissented on the war crimes acquittal, warning of a resulting gap in civilian protections, while the prosecutor's office and Human Rights Watch called the verdict a first step requiring further accountability. Both sides may appeal, and sentencing submissions are set for November.

The full dispatch is available from the source below.

Source: Read the original at Courthouse News → Scored: At Rest · Kevin MacLeod · CC BY 4.0
Read it scored.
Every story, every clown, every kazoo — in your pocket. Music plays automatically. Regret is optional.
GET IT ON iOS GET IT ON ANDROID
OR FOLLOW THE DESK ON BLUESKY →
© 2026 The Daily Buffoon · Satire, scored. Privacy · Support · Music credits · On satire · Bluesky