VOL. I · NO. 8607THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 24, 2026
The Daily Buffoon
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TARIFFS ✒ EDITORIAL ABSURDITY:

Labor Day, 2026

Filed 1h ago · Via Federal Register · The Buffoon Desk
THIS STORY IS SCORED
Aunt Tagonist
Kevin MacLeod · incompetech.com · CC BY 4.0
Photo: Unknown authorUnknown author · CC BY-SA 4.0 · via Wikimedia Commons

A presidential proclamation in the Federal Register designates September 7, 2026 as Labor Day, an occasion that already sits on the calendar every year without executive intervention. Along the way it credits the administration's tariffs and a tax law with adding over 900,000 jobs and six straight months of manufacturing expansion, plus a new proposed fee on H-1B visa petitions.

The document offers no citation for any of its figures, because a proclamation is not required to show its work. It does, however, find room to mention that the small business tax deduction has been made permanent, a detail workers observing their holiday may or may not find stirring.

The full dispatch is available from the source below.

✒ FROM THE EDITORIAL DESK
A government notice telling you the sun rises in the east would still find a way to mention the tariffs helped. This one spends most of its ink praising itself and saves one sentence for the actual workers, the way a toast at somebody else's wedding keeps circling back to the best man's own accomplishments. Labor Day was going to happen either way; the paperwork just wanted credit for it.
Source: Read the original at Federal Register → Scored: Aunt Tagonist · Kevin MacLeod · CC BY 4.0
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