VOL. I · NO. 8622FRIDAY, OCTOBER 9, 20265¢
The Daily Buffoon
ADVERTISEMENT
WHITE HOUSE ✒ EDITORIAL ABSURDITY:

Presidential Message on Leif Erikson Day

Filed 55m ago · Via White House · The Buffoon Desk
THIS STORY IS SCORED
DarxieLand
Kevin MacLeod · incompetech.com · CC BY 4.0
Photo: Theodor Horydczak · Public domain · via Wikimedia Commons

The White House issued a proclamation for Leif Erikson Day crediting the Norse explorer with reaching North America roughly five centuries before Christopher Columbus, framing it as the opening chapter of American greatness.

The message pivots quickly to policy, touting what it calls a historic agreement giving the United States permanent control over security in Greenland, reached with Denmark and Greenland last month.

The proclamation claims no president in a century was willing to make such a deal and frames it as making the Arctic a pillar of American strength again.

The full dispatch is available from the source below.

✒ FROM THE EDITORIAL DESK
Funny how a thousand-year-old sailor gets dusted off the same week there's Arctic real estate to talk about. If the deal were as good as the proclamation says, it wouldn't need a Viking to carry it in the door. And when a press release tells you nobody in a hundred years could've done it, you can bet a few of them looked it over and decided not to.
Source: Read the original at White House → Scored: DarxieLand · Kevin MacLeod · CC BY 4.0
MORE FROM THE DESK
THE EDITION OF FRIDAY, OCTOBER 9, 2026 → · THE ARCHIVE
Read it scored.
Every story, every clown, every kazoo — in your pocket. Music plays automatically. Regret is optional.
GET IT ON iOS GET IT ON ANDROID
OR FOLLOW THE DESK ON BLUESKY →
© 2026 The Daily Buffoon · Satire, scored. Archive · Privacy · Support · Music credits · On satire · Bluesky