VOL. I · NO. 8626TUESDAY, OCTOBER 13, 20265¢
The Daily Buffoon
ADVERTISEMENT
WORLD ✒ EDITORIAL ABSURDITY:

Reuters: Witkoff and Kushner told Kyiv that a diesel deal with Russia would help bring the Kremlin back to the negotiating table

Filed 1h ago · Via Meduza · The Buffoon Desk
THIS STORY IS SCORED
Miri's Magic Dance
Kevin MacLeod · incompetech.com · CC BY 4.0
Photo: Rijksmuseum · CC0 · via Wikimedia Commons

U.S. envoys Steve Witkoff and Jared Kushner told a Ukrainian delegation in Miami that a diesel deal with Russia could help bring the Kremlin back to negotiations, according to three sources cited by Reuters, while Kushner relayed Trump's demand that Ukraine halt strikes on Russian oil refineries.

The same meeting featured Witkoff and Kushner telling Ukrainian representatives, according to two sources, that Vladimir Putin is not actually willing to negotiate an end to the war, an assessment echoed by a Kremlin-adjacent source who said Putin wants the remaining 11% of Donbas before returning to the table.

Ukrainian representatives reportedly left skeptical and without formally agreeing to U.S. proposals, though they signaled openness to an energy truce if Russia reciprocated; the talks, originally scheduled for two days, ended after one, the same day Trump announced a separate 'diesel deal' with Russia following a call with Putin.

The full dispatch is available from the source below.

✒ FROM THE EDITORIAL DESK
Asking Ukraine to stop hitting Russian refineries so that Russia will feel generous enough to sell diesel sounds less like diplomacy and more like asking the person getting mugged to loosen their grip on their wallet. The envoys reportedly admit Putin is not interested in actually negotiating, then pitch a plan premised entirely on getting him to the table. That is quite a bit of confidence for a strategy built on a concession nobody expects to be returned.
Source: Read the original at Meduza → Scored: Miri's Magic Dance · Kevin MacLeod · CC BY 4.0
MORE FROM THE DESK
THE EDITION OF TUESDAY, OCTOBER 13, 2026 → · THE ARCHIVE
Read it scored.
Every story, every clown, every kazoo — in your pocket. Music plays automatically. Regret is optional.
GET IT ON iOS GET IT ON ANDROID
OR FOLLOW THE DESK ON BLUESKY →
© 2026 The Daily Buffoon · Satire, scored. Archive · Privacy · Support · Music credits · On satire · Bluesky