VOL. I · NO. 8566FRIDAY, AUGUST 14, 2026
The Daily Buffoon
WHITE HOUSE ✒ EDITORIAL ABSURDITY: 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

Trump threatens to declare strait of Hormuz ‘territory of the United States’

Filed 1w ago · Via The Guardian · The Buffoon Desk
THIS STORY IS SCORED
Magic Escape Room
Kevin MacLeod · incompetech.com · CC BY 4.0

Speaking at a Long Island police academy, Donald Trump said he would 'pretty soon' declare the Strait of Hormuz, an internationally navigable waterway bordered by Iran and Oman, a US territory, citing an ongoing American blockade restricting which ships pass through. The remark came six months into the war with Iran, with peace talks stalled and Tehran refusing to reopen the strait absent US compensation, sanctions relief, and an unconditional release of frozen assets.

Trump claimed Iran is 'being very badly defeated' and had earlier posted that the US has 'total control' over the strait and intends to keep it. Gasoline prices have risen sharply during the conflict, which Trump acknowledged, telling Americans paying more at the pump that it's worth it to stop what he called the top state sponsor of terror from obtaining a nuclear weapon.

It remains unclear whether the territorial claim reflects an actual policy shift or an off-the-cuff remark, and the administration has offered no clarification on how it would enforce sovereignty over a strait it does not own.

The full dispatch is available from the source below.

✒ FROM THE EDITORIAL DESK
Declaring an internationally recognized waterway bordering two other countries a piece of American real estate is the kind of statement that would sink a normal presidency; here it barely qualifies as a Friday news update. Telling voters their $4 gas is the price of freedom while casually annexing shipping lanes by press conference is not a policy, it's a vibe, and an expensive one at that.
Source: Read the original at The Guardian → Scored: Magic Escape Room · Kevin MacLeod · CC BY 4.0
ADVERTISEMENT
Read it scored.
Every story, every clown, every kazoo — in your pocket. Music plays automatically. Regret is optional.
GET IT ON iOS GET IT ON ANDROID
© 2026 The Daily Buffoon · Satire, scored. Privacy · Support · Music credits · On satire