VOL. I · NO. 8572THURSDAY, AUGUST 20, 2026
The Daily Buffoon
WORLD ✒ EDITORIAL ABSURDITY: 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

Fraternity brothers accused of running cocaine ring

Filed 6d ago · Via The Telegraph · The Buffoon Desk
THIS STORY IS SCORED
Bushwick Tarantella Loop
Kevin MacLeod · incompetech.com · CC BY 4.0
Photo: Diplomatic Security Service from Washington, D.C., United St · Public domain · via Wikimedia Commons

Fraternity brothers at Pennsylvania State University stand accused of running a cocaine smuggling operation, sourcing product from Philadelphia and New York and distributing it through their chapter houses, according to officials.

Prospective members were allegedly required to cut and package the cocaine as part of pledging, turning initiation rites into unpaid labor for a criminal enterprise officials say was called Operation Drugs Unlimited. One defendant, age 24, is described as having been at the top of the chain.

The father of another charged student is reportedly a well-known Pittsburgh lawyer, which will presumably come up again.

The full dispatch is available from the source below.

✒ FROM THE EDITORIAL DESK
There is something almost touching about an organization that took the word ‘brotherhood’ so literally it built a supply chain. Note that the pledging labor was, as ever, unpaid — the one tradition every chapter manages to preserve intact. Whatever the university's statement of shock ends up saying, it will be the least believable document produced by anyone in this story.
Source: Read the original at The Telegraph → Scored: Bushwick Tarantella Loop · Kevin MacLeod · CC BY 4.0
ADVERTISEMENT
Read it scored.
Every story, every clown, every kazoo — in your pocket. Music plays automatically. Regret is optional.
GET IT ON iOS GET IT ON ANDROID
© 2026 The Daily Buffoon · Satire, scored. Privacy · Support · Music credits · On satire