VOL. I · NO. 8591TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 8, 2026
The Daily Buffoon
ADVERTISEMENT
WHITE HOUSE ✒ EDITORIAL ABSURDITY:

Senior USCIS official arrested in green card crackdown issues denial

Filed 1h ago · Via Newsweek · The Buffoon Desk
THIS STORY IS SCORED
Deadly Roulette
Kevin MacLeod · incompetech.com · CC BY 4.0
Photo: The U.S. National Archives · No restrictions · via Wikimedia Commons

Federal prosecutors say Lukman Owolabi Ganiyu, a former senior USCIS officer in Dallas, spent years approving green cards, naturalizations, and other immigration benefits in exchange for cash, bypassing interviews, background checks, and jurisdictional rules meant to catch exactly this. Investigators allege roughly $287,830 in unexplained cash deposits and $671,438 in electronic payments flowed into his accounts, dwarfing his $407,838 in salary over five years.

An affidavit alleges Ganiyu assigned himself his alleged co-conspirator's own naturalization application and approved it the same day, later receiving over $160,000 from that same person. He resigned in March 2026 citing personal reasons; his attorney says he denies criminal conduct and disputes the government's characterization of the payments.

Prosecutors sought detention, citing Ganiyu's dual citizenship, foreign property, and travel history as flight risks, but a magistrate released him under GPS monitoring after his passports were surrendered. USCIS and the U.S. Attorney's Office issued statements condemning corruption; both defendants face up to five years in prison if convicted.

The full dispatch is available from the source below.

✒ FROM THE EDITORIAL DESK
A man's bank account is a talkative thing. When the money coming in laps the paycheck twice around the track, most of us would have some explaining to do at the bank, let alone in court. And the fellow who approved his own partner's application the same day it landed on his desk has picked himself a mighty steep hill to deny from.
Source: Read the original at Newsweek → Scored: Deadly Roulette · Kevin MacLeod · CC BY 4.0
Read it scored.
Every story, every clown, every kazoo — in your pocket. Music plays automatically. Regret is optional.
GET IT ON iOS GET IT ON ANDROID
© 2026 The Daily Buffoon · Satire, scored. Privacy · Support · Music credits · On satire