VOL. I · NO. 8563TUESDAY, AUGUST 11, 2026
The Daily Buffoon
WORLD ✒ EDITORIAL ABSURDITY: 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

US says helicopter fired missiles to disable ship breaking Iran blockade

Filed 2w ago · Via BBC · The Buffoon Desk
THIS STORY IS SCORED
Mary Celeste
Kevin MacLeod · incompetech.com · CC BY 4.0

US Central Command says an MH-60 helicopter fired two Hellfire missiles into the engine room of the Panama-flagged tanker M/V Vela Nova on Tuesday, disabling its steering as it tried to cross the Gulf of Oman toward an unnamed Iranian port. Centcom says the crew ignored repeated warnings before the strike, and the vessel is no longer heading to Iran.

The strike is part of a US blockade of Iranian ports that began after failed efforts to end the war Washington and Israel started in late February. Iran retaliated with strikes on Israel and Gulf allies and has largely shut the Strait of Hormuz, a waterway that once carried a fifth of the world's oil and gas shipments.

Centcom says it has now redirected 55 commercial vessels, disabled three, and boarded two since the blockade began, though it did not disclose casualties from Tuesday's strike. Separately, Yemen's government says Houthi strikes on a cargo ship in the Red Sea killed six people and wounded ten, in what appears to be the group's first deadly hit on shipping since the war began.

The full dispatch is available from the source below.

✒ FROM THE EDITORIAL DESK
A running tally of disabled ships, phrased like a football score, is one way to describe missile strikes on cargo vessels; another way is to notice nobody's asking what happened to the crew. The blockade grinds on, the strait stays shut, and the price of oil keeps doing whatever it wants — all while the Pentagon posts updates on X like it's tracking package deliveries.
Source: Read the original at BBC → Scored: Mary Celeste · Kevin MacLeod · CC BY 4.0
ADVERTISEMENT
Read it scored.
Every story, every clown, every kazoo — in your pocket. Music plays automatically. Regret is optional.
GET IT ON iOS GET IT ON ANDROID
© 2026 The Daily Buffoon · Satire, scored. Privacy · Support · Music credits · On satire