VOL. I · NO. 8585WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 2, 2026
The Daily Buffoon
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WHITE HOUSE ✒ EDITORIAL ABSURDITY:

President Trump Secures the Biggest Oil Deal in World History

Filed 1h ago · Via White House · The Buffoon Desk
THIS STORY IS SCORED
Aunt Tagonist
Kevin MacLeod · incompetech.com · CC BY 4.0
Photo: Johann Salomon Wahl · Public domain · via Wikimedia Commons

The White House says President Trump has secured the largest oil deal in world history, claiming U.S. majority control over more than 65 billion barrels of proven Venezuelan reserves, which it says dwarfs America's own roughly 46 billion barrels.

The release credits this to what it calls Trump's bold foreign policy, promising the deal will lower gas prices for Americans at no cost to taxpayers, and pre-loads a rebuttal to what it calls baseless media attacks before any independent outlet has weighed in.

No terms, counterparties, or verification of Venezuelan control are offered beyond the announcement itself.

The full dispatch is available from the source below.

✒ FROM THE EDITORIAL DESK
A deal with no terms, no names on the other side, and no way to check who actually controls the oil is not a deal yet, it's a wish with a press release stapled to it. And when a man answers the criticism before anybody's made any, that tells you he already knows what the questions will be. I'd wait to see the paperwork before I count those 65 billion barrels.
Source: Read the original at White House → Scored: Aunt Tagonist · Kevin MacLeod · CC BY 4.0
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