VOL. I · NO. 8568SUNDAY, AUGUST 16, 2026
The Daily Buffoon
WORLD ✒ EDITORIAL ABSURDITY: 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

Global marine protected areas fail to safeguard most sharks and rays: Study

Filed 1w ago · Via Mongabay · The Buffoon Desk
THIS STORY IS SCORED
News of Sorrow
Kevin MacLeod · incompetech.com · CC BY 4.0
Photo: Internet Archive Book Images · No restrictions · via Wikimedia Commons

A Conservation Letters study finds that most shark and ray species have less than 10% of their ranges covered by any marine protected area, with 79% of threatened species and roughly 90% of critically endangered species having less than 1% of their range inside no-take MPAs. The research comes as the global '30x30' pledge — 30% of oceans protected by 2030 — sits at only about 10% coverage worldwide, halfway to the deadline.

Researchers overlaid protected-area boundaries with IUCN range data for nearly 1,200 species, finding that MPAs are often sited for political or economic convenience rather than biodiversity value, and that only about a third of countries with marine reserves report fishing restriction data needed to judge real protection. Outside experts note that MPAs work best for stationary species and are far less proven for wide-ranging sharks and rays, meaning the 30x30 target could be met on paper while leaving most vulnerable species essentially unshielded.

The full dispatch is available from the source below.

✒ FROM THE EDITORIAL DESK
Thirty percent of the ocean sounds like an achievement until you learn nobody checked whether the protected patches contain anything worth protecting. A target measured in acreage rather than species survival was always going to produce this kind of paperwork triumph.
Source: Read the original at Mongabay → Scored: News of Sorrow · Kevin MacLeod · CC BY 4.0
ADVERTISEMENT
Read it scored.
Every story, every clown, every kazoo — in your pocket. Music plays automatically. Regret is optional.
GET IT ON iOS GET IT ON ANDROID
© 2026 The Daily Buffoon · Satire, scored. Privacy · Support · Music credits · On satire