VOL. I · NO. 8619TUESDAY, OCTOBER 6, 20265¢
The Daily Buffoon
ADVERTISEMENT
CULTURE ✒ EDITORIAL ABSURDITY:

In Rural Illinois, Solar Powered Ultrasound Helps Kill Toxic Algal Blooms

Filed 1h ago · Via Daily Yonder · The Buffoon Desk
THIS STORY IS SCORED
Comedic Juggernaut
Kevin MacLeod · incompetech.com · CC BY 4.0
Photo: Mostafameraji · CC BY-SA 4.0 · via Wikimedia Commons

Mattoon, Illinois relies on Lake Paradise for drinking water, and since 2019 has deployed solar-powered buoys called Solarafts that blast cyanobacteria with ultrasonic waves to prevent toxic algal blooms. The system failed last year when two of three buoys were chewed up by muskrats and sat offline until June, by which point warm weather and drought-shrunk, stagnant water let cyanobacteria flourish, forcing a “do not drink” order in July 2025 after toxin levels spiked.

The plant responded by quadrupling its carbon treatment, from 150 to 600 pounds a day, to get the bloom under control before leaning on the buoys again. Officials point to fertilizer runoff from surrounding farmland, plus everyday contributors like lawn fertilizer, detergent and human waste, as sources of the phosphorus and nitrogen that feed the bacteria, with the same runoff eventually reaching the Mississippi basin and the Gulf of Mexico dead zone.

The manufacturer, Hydro-Bioscience, says the ultrasonic approach cuts chemical use by roughly half and is now adding remote water-quality monitoring tools so plant staff can track conditions without constant manual sampling.

The full dispatch is available from the source below.

✒ FROM THE EDITORIAL DESK
A whole water system's defense against liver-damaging toxins came down to some buoys that rodents treated like chew toys, and nobody noticed until the drinking water turned bad. That is not a knock on the little town, which seems to be doing the sensible, unglamorous work of managing its own water with the tools it can afford. It is just a reminder that plenty of public health depends on gear a muskrat can take out of commission for a season.
Source: Read the original at Daily Yonder → Scored: Comedic Juggernaut · Kevin MacLeod · CC BY 4.0
Read it scored.
Every story, every clown, every kazoo — in your pocket. Music plays automatically. Regret is optional.
GET IT ON iOS GET IT ON ANDROID
OR FOLLOW THE DESK ON BLUESKY →
© 2026 The Daily Buffoon · Satire, scored. Privacy · Support · Music credits · On satire · Bluesky