VOL. I · NO. 8617SUNDAY, OCTOBER 4, 20265¢
The Daily Buffoon
ADVERTISEMENT
WORLD ABSURDITY:

Exclusive: Over 250 Russian troops captured after units surrounded without food or water

Filed 2h ago · Via NV · The Buffoon Desk
THIS STORY IS SCORED
Dance of the Tuba Plum Fairy
Kevin MacLeod · incompetech.com · CC BY 4.0
Photo: European Parliament · CC BY 4.0 · via Wikimedia Commons

More than 250 Russian troops, including officers, were captured during the third phase of Ukraine's Operation Vivaldi after their units were encircled near Sviatohirsk without food or water, according to Lt. Col. Petro Horbatenko of Ukraine's Third Army Corps. He said Russian command told surrounded troops they were safely behind their own lines even as they were being overrun, and that soldiers resorted to drinking urine and fighting each other over canned meat.

Ukrainian commanders say the broader offensive has reclaimed 176 square kilometers since it began, with Russian forces suffering roughly 2,000 personnel losses in this phase alone and more than 5,000 killed or wounded across the operation's first three phases, per Ukraine's presidential office. None of these figures have been independently verified outside Ukrainian military sources.

The full dispatch is available from the source below.

Source: Read the original at NV → Scored: Dance of the Tuba Plum Fairy · Kevin MacLeod · CC BY 4.0
Read it scored.
Every story, every clown, every kazoo — in your pocket. Music plays automatically. Regret is optional.
GET IT ON iOS GET IT ON ANDROID
OR FOLLOW THE DESK ON BLUESKY →
© 2026 The Daily Buffoon · Satire, scored. Privacy · Support · Music credits · On satire · Bluesky