VOL. I · NO. 8585WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 2, 2026
The Daily Buffoon
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WHITE HOUSE ✒ EDITORIAL ABSURDITY:

More states are putting panic alarms in schools

Filed 51m ago · Via Stateline · The Buffoon Desk
THIS STORY IS SCORED
Krampus Workshop
Kevin MacLeod · incompetech.com · CC BY 4.0
Photo: David E. Lucas · Public domain · via Wikimedia Commons

Illinois, Virginia and West Virginia passed laws this year joining ten other states in requiring or permitting schools to use wearable, mobile or silent panic alarms, bringing the total to 13 states with a dozen more considering similar bills.

The laws, collectively branded Alyssa's Law after a 2018 Parkland shooting victim, vary widely in what they actually require — some mandate specific devices like Texas's classroom alert tech, others merely allow school boards to opt in, as in Virginia. Funding and how alerts reach emergency responders also differ state to state.

A vendor report on one widely used system, CENTEGIX, found that of more than 346,000 alerts generated in a single school year, 88% involved everyday issues like fights or students leaving campus, with only 2% tied to suspicious behavior or campuswide emergencies. A school-safety consultant cited in the reporting said that ratio argues against mandating the technology at all.

The full dispatch is available from the source below.

✒ FROM THE EDITORIAL DESK
A law named for a mass-shooting victim, marketed on the promise of stopping the next one, mostly ends up paging security about hallway scuffles. That's not necessarily an indictment of panic buttons — but it is a reminder that a vendor's usage statistics and a legislature's press release rarely tell the same story.
Source: Read the original at Stateline → Scored: Krampus Workshop · Kevin MacLeod · CC BY 4.0
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