VOL. I · NO. 8568SUNDAY, AUGUST 16, 2026
The Daily Buffoon
WHITE HOUSE ✒ EDITORIAL ABSURDITY: 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

Expanding Capabilities to Combat Transnational Cyber-Enabled Crime

Filed 1w ago · Via White House · The Buffoon Desk
THIS STORY IS SCORED
Amazing Plan
Kevin MacLeod · incompetech.com · CC BY 4.0
Photo: First National-Vitaphone · Public domain · via Wikimedia Commons

A presidential memorandum directs the National Coordination Center to authorize vetted 'Participating Companies' to conduct cyber surveillance and offensive cyber operations against foreign transnational criminal organizations, under Justice and Homeland Security supervision.

The program creates co-Executive Directors from DOJ and DHS who can approve operations except those resulting in undefined 'Critical Outcomes,' and lets companies share threat data with private firms and government agencies alike.

Implementation guidance, due within 60 days, is supposed to set vetting standards and operating procedures ensuring 'complete oversight and control' of the companies now empowered to hack on the government's behalf.

The full dispatch is available from the source below.

✒ FROM THE EDITORIAL DESK
There is a reason "complete oversight and control" is the phrase reached for whenever neither exists yet — the vetting standards are due in sixty days, which is to say after the deputies have already been handed the badge. A memorandum that invents a category of forbidden result and then declines to define it hasn't drawn a line; it has drawn a suggestion. When the government outsources the fun part and keeps the paperwork, the accountability tends to end up in whichever inbox is furthest from the keyboard.
Source: Read the original at White House → Scored: Amazing Plan · Kevin MacLeod · CC BY 4.0
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