VOL. I · NO. 8598TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 15, 2026
The Daily Buffoon
ADVERTISEMENT
COURTS ✒ EDITORIAL ABSURDITY:

Kash Patel grilled on Epstein, FBI staffing — and bestiality policy — in tense Senate hearing

Filed 2h ago · Via Courthouse News · The Buffoon Desk
THIS STORY IS SCORED
Bushwick Tarantella
Kevin MacLeod · incompetech.com · CC BY 4.0
Photo: greyloch · CC BY-SA 2.0 · via Wikimedia Commons

FBI Director Kash Patel told the Senate Judiciary Committee the agency changed hiring guidelines to stop disqualifying applicants who were trafficking victims forced into bestiality or prostitution, after Sen. Dick Durbin noted the dropped rule barred people who 'engaged' in such acts, not just victims. Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy, a Republican, repeatedly pressed Patel on whether someone who voluntarily had sex with an animal should still be barred, without getting a clear yes.

Patel also defended firing FBI agents who worked on the Mar-a-Lago documents investigation, telling Sen. Adam Schiff he believed 'most' had retired rather than been dismissed, a claim Schiff contrasted with Attorney General Todd Blanche's statement that Patel had 'cleaned house.' On the Epstein files, Patel told Sen. Sheldon Whitehouse the FBI had produced 3.5 million pages of documents and complied with all court orders and statutes.

The full dispatch is available from the source below.

✒ FROM THE EDITORIAL DESK
When a senator has to ask the head of the FBI three times whether the animal question gets a plain no, and doesn't get one, that tells you plenty about the state of the shop. Meanwhile the man can't say for sure whether his own agents were fired or retired, which is the sort of thing a boss usually keeps track of. If the paperwork's this loose at the top, I'd hate to see the file room.
Source: Read the original at Courthouse News → Scored: Bushwick Tarantella · Kevin MacLeod · CC BY 4.0
Read it scored.
Every story, every clown, every kazoo — in your pocket. Music plays automatically. Regret is optional.
GET IT ON iOS GET IT ON ANDROID
OR FOLLOW THE DESK ON BLUESKY →
© 2026 The Daily Buffoon · Satire, scored. Privacy · Support · Music credits · On satire · Bluesky