VOL. I · NO. 8576MONDAY, AUGUST 24, 2026
The Daily Buffoon
WORLD ✒ EDITORIAL ABSURDITY: 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

Ozon was the big winner from Wildberries’ ruin. Five weeks later, it’s the target of Ukraine’s drone attacks.

Filed 2d ago · Via Meduza · The Buffoon Desk
THIS STORY IS SCORED
Mary Celeste
Kevin MacLeod · incompetech.com · CC BY 4.0
Photo: UNCTAD · CC BY-SA 2.0 · via Wikimedia Commons

For three straight nights, Ukrainian drones struck warehouses belonging to Ozon, Russia's second-largest online retailer, hitting sites in Samara, Orenburg, Adygea, Stavropol Krai and Dagestan. Fires broke out at most locations and people were injured; Ozon's Moscow Exchange shares fell 28% before partially recovering.

The strikes follow five weeks after a similar campaign against market leader Wildberries, which lost up to 40% of its warehouse space, saw 23 sites damaged, at least 14 people killed, and total losses estimated in the hundreds of billions of rubles. Ukraine's Defense Ministry openly named Ozon as the next target, calling the strikes 'long-range sanctions' meant to complicate Russian logistics.

Putin warned Kyiv had 'opened Pandora's box' and vowed retaliation against Ukraine's 'most sensitive economic sectors.' Russia's government has drawn up tax-relief plans for Wildberries; whether Ozon gets the same treatment remains, per the Economic Development Ministry, a matter it's merely 'ready' to discuss if asked.

The full dispatch is available from the source below.

✒ FROM THE EDITORIAL DESK
A ministry gleefully bragging about hitting warehouses full of ordinary people's online orders and calling it a sanctions regime is a fairly on-the-nose metaphor for where this war's economic front has landed. Everyone insists the other side started it; both sides seem thrilled to keep going.
Source: Read the original at Meduza → Scored: Mary Celeste · Kevin MacLeod · CC BY 4.0
ADVERTISEMENT
Read it scored.
Every story, every clown, every kazoo — in your pocket. Music plays automatically. Regret is optional.
GET IT ON iOS GET IT ON ANDROID
© 2026 The Daily Buffoon · Satire, scored. Privacy · Support · Music credits · On satire