VOL. I · NO. 8583MONDAY, AUGUST 31, 2026
The Daily Buffoon
WORLD ✒ EDITORIAL ABSURDITY: 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

For the fourth time since ordering the full-scale invasion of Ukraine, Putin has expanded his protective service’s central staff

Filed 1h ago · Via Meduza · The Buffoon Desk
THIS STORY IS SCORED
Five Card Shuffle
Kevin MacLeod · incompetech.com · CC BY 4.0
Photo: Jason Krüger for Wikimedia · CC BY-SA 4.0 · via Wikimedia Commons

Russian President Vladimir Putin signed a decree raising the Federal Protective Service's central-office staff from 785 to 812 employees, effective July 1, according to Kommersant. No reason was given for the increase.

It is the fourth such expansion since the full-scale invasion of Ukraine began, following bumps from 725 to 760 in late 2022, to 775 in 2024, and to 785 in 2025. Before the invasion, the office's staffing had been unchanged since 2010.

The full dispatch is available from the source below.

✒ FROM THE EDITORIAL DESK
A security detail that keeps needing more security detail every year the war grinds on is not exactly a subtle data point, even if the decree declines to explain itself. The Kremlin doesn't publish memoirs, but its org chart is talking anyway.
Source: Read the original at Meduza → Scored: Five Card Shuffle · Kevin MacLeod · CC BY 4.0
ADVERTISEMENT
Read it scored.
Every story, every clown, every kazoo — in your pocket. Music plays automatically. Regret is optional.
GET IT ON iOS GET IT ON ANDROID
© 2026 The Daily Buffoon · Satire, scored. Privacy · Support · Music credits · On satire