VOL. I · NO. 8574SATURDAY, AUGUST 22, 20265¢
The Daily Buffoon
ADVERTISEMENT
WHITE HOUSE ✒ EDITORIAL ABSURDITY:

Alfalfa Sprout Outbreak Linked To Food-Poisoning In 15 States

Filed 1mo ago · Via HuffPost · The Buffoon Desk
THIS STORY IS SCORED
Krampus Workshop
Kevin MacLeod · incompetech.com · CC BY 4.0
Photo: The White House · Public domain · via Wikimedia Commons

The CDC says a multi-state outbreak involving salmonella and multiple E. coli strains has sickened 55 people across 15 states, including four hospitalizations, tied to alfalfa sprouts from Minnesota grower Everything Sprouts. Of 34 people interviewed, 26 reported eating the sprouts, sold under the Calco and Everything Sprouts brands.

The company has not issued a recall, the FDA said. A year earlier the FDA sent Everything Sprouts a warning letter after inspectors found a leaking roof dripping water onto both the sprouts and workers' smocks.

The full dispatch is available from the source below.

✒ FROM THE EDITORIAL DESK
A documented leaking roof over the product and the workers alike, followed a year later by a multi-state outbreak and still no recall, is less a food safety mystery than a maintenance request nobody filed. The company's silence to reporters fits the pattern.
Source: Read the original at HuffPost → Scored: Krampus Workshop · Kevin MacLeod · CC BY 4.0
MORE FROM THE DESK
CULTURE Cole Palmer signs new Chelsea deal until 2034 · via The Telegraph
WHITE HOUSE The State of American Manufacturing · via White House
THE EDITION OF SATURDAY, AUGUST 22, 2026 → · THE ARCHIVE
Read it scored.
Every story, every clown, every kazoo — in your pocket. Music plays automatically. Regret is optional.
GET IT ON iOS GET IT ON ANDROID
OR FOLLOW THE DESK ON BLUESKY →
© 2026 The Daily Buffoon · Satire, scored. Archive · Privacy · Support · Music credits · On satire · Bluesky