VOL. I · NO. 8598TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 15, 2026
The Daily Buffoon
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COURTS ✒ EDITORIAL ABSURDITY:

Feds accuse Russia of backing murder-for-hire plot on US soil

Filed 1h ago · Via Courthouse News · The Buffoon Desk
THIS STORY IS SCORED
Lively Lumpsucker
Kevin MacLeod · incompetech.com · CC BY 4.0
Photo: M.O. Stevens · CC BY 3.0 · via Wikimedia Commons

The Justice Department unsealed a 17-page indictment charging five men, all still at large, with conspiracy to finance terrorism and murder-for-hire conspiracy tied to what prosecutors call the Kremlin-backed RIS Network. Two defendants allegedly recruited a Venezuelan citizen in the U.S. to surveil and kill an unnamed Russian dissident for $40,000, paying $1,000 to $1,500 installments for photos and video along the way. Three other defendants are accused of trying to recruit a U.S. citizen to kill a target in Lithuania for $25,000, with one offering methods including gasoline and a knife.

The recruit in the Lithuania plot took $200 for surveillance but turned down the murder fee, which is as close as this indictment gets to a happy ending. Prosecutors also tie one defendant to a botched arson attempt in Prague and situate the whole operation within what they describe as a long Russian pattern of targeting defectors and Ukraine-allied nations.

Assistant Attorney General John Eisenberg promised the government will 'stamp out' foreign intelligence operations and inflict 'the most severe consequences that federal law can levy,' phrasing calibrated for maximum resolve regardless of whether the five men named are ever actually caught.

The full dispatch is available from the source below.

✒ FROM THE EDITORIAL DESK
Five men get charged and all five are still out there somewhere, which is a little like bragging about locking the barn after counting the empty stalls. The tough talk from the Justice Department is free, the arrests are the expensive part, and only one of those two things happened here. Still, if a stranger offers you money to help find someone who does “construction,” maybe don't ask what kind.
Source: Read the original at Courthouse News → Scored: Lively Lumpsucker · Kevin MacLeod · CC BY 4.0
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