VOL. I · NO. 8620WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 7, 20265¢
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WHITE HOUSE ✒ EDITORIAL ABSURDITY:

Columbus Day, 2026

Filed 1h ago · Via White House · The Buffoon Desk
THIS STORY IS SCORED
Dance of the Tuba Plum Fairy
Kevin MacLeod · incompetech.com · CC BY 4.0
Photo: Office of President Joe Biden · Public domain · via Wikimedia Commons

The President has proclaimed October 12, 2026 as Columbus Day, crediting Christopher Columbus's 1492 voyage with 'discovering' the New World and setting in motion events leading to American independence, and noting he installed a replica Columbus statue on White House grounds this year to replace one toppled in Baltimore in 2020.

The proclamation quotes an 1892 papal encyclical praising Columbus's greatness and frames the holiday as a defense of Italian-American heritage against unnamed critics accused of trying to erase his legacy.

No acknowledgment appears in the text of indigenous populations already present in 1492 or of historical controversies surrounding Columbus's treatment of them.

The full dispatch is available from the source below.

✒ FROM THE EDITORIAL DESK
A man who puts up a replica statue in his own yard and then proclaims a holiday for it has a pretty good idea who the audience is. The proclamation found room for an 1892 papal letter and some unnamed radicals, but not one line for the people who were standing on the beach in 1492 when the boats showed up. Hard to call it discovering a place when somebody already had supper on.
Source: Read the original at White House → Scored: Dance of the Tuba Plum Fairy · Kevin MacLeod · CC BY 4.0
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