VOL. I · NO. 8587FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 4, 2026
The Daily Buffoon
ADVERTISEMENT
WORLD ✒ EDITORIAL ABSURDITY:

ISW maps show Russian offensive has sharply slowed

Filed 2h ago · Via NV · The Buffoon Desk
THIS STORY IS SCORED
Hamster March
Kevin MacLeod · incompetech.com · CC BY 4.0
Photo: Ministerie van Buitenlandse Zaken · CC BY-SA 2.0 · via Wikimedia Commons

The Institute for the Study of War says Vladimir Putin significantly exaggerated Russian advances in a September 1 press conference, including a claim that Russian troops seized 270 square kilometers in Donetsk Oblast during August. ISW's own tally puts the real figure at about 73 square kilometers, rising to roughly 104 with infiltration operations counted, while total gains across the entire front were only about 90 square kilometers.

Putin also claimed Russian forces were within a few kilometers of Sloviansk, Kramatorsk and Druzhkivka, and had captured Sviatohirsk and Kozacha Lopan outright. ISW found no evidence for the Sviatohirsk claim, said Russian forces remain roughly 13 kilometers from that town, and calculated Kozacha Lopan was only about 13% captured.

Putin's claim of encircling 5,000 Ukrainian troops near the Oskil Reservoir also went unsupported by ISW's review, which noted a similar claim by Gerasimov about Kupiansk last October was later disproved when Zelenskyy visited the city himself. ISW concluded Russian advances have slowed considerably even as losses stay high.

The full dispatch is available from the source below.

✒ FROM THE EDITORIAL DESK
A general's map and a president's speech ought to agree on basic arithmetic, and here they don't come close. Calling a 90 square kilometer month a rout is the kind of thing you'd catch a kid doing with a report card, except this report card gets read on state television. The land isn't moving nearly as fast as the talking points are.
Source: Read the original at NV → Scored: Hamster March · Kevin MacLeod · CC BY 4.0
Read it scored.
Every story, every clown, every kazoo — in your pocket. Music plays automatically. Regret is optional.
GET IT ON iOS GET IT ON ANDROID
© 2026 The Daily Buffoon · Satire, scored. Privacy · Support · Music credits · On satire