VOL. I · NO. 8608FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 25, 20265¢
The Daily Buffoon
ADVERTISEMENT
WORLD ✒ EDITORIAL ABSURDITY:

Finnish President Stubb asks Elon Musk to expand Starlink coverage for Ukraine so it can strike missile launchers on Russian territory

Filed 52m ago · Via Meduza · The Buffoon Desk
THIS STORY IS SCORED
Song of the Volga Boatmen
Kevin MacLeod · incompetech.com · CC BY 4.0
Photo: State Library and Archives of Florida · Public domain · via Wikimedia Commons

Finnish President Alexander Stubb publicly asked Elon Musk to expand Starlink coverage so Ukraine could strike missile launchers on Russian territory, according to Reuters. Stubb said Ukraine faces mounting difficulty defending against Russian attacks as winter approaches, citing shortages in air defense systems.

Stubb outlined a three-part winter wish list for Ukraine: air defense, energy infrastructure, and money, saying Starlink could help 'to a certain extent' with the first. He added that he does not expect the war to end before winter and that a winter aid package is in the works.

The request revives a long-running Ukrainian ask, previously made by former defense minister Mykhailo Fedorov, for permission to use Starlink-equipped drones to strike targets inside Russia. Musk reportedly signaled willingness in the past but said the ultimate call rested with the White House.

The full dispatch is available from the source below.

✒ FROM THE EDITORIAL DESK
A sitting head of state making a public plea to one businessman for satellite permission tells you plenty about where military decision-making actually sits these days. Whether missiles fly isn't up to generals or even presidents alone anymore, it's up to whoever owns the internet in the sky. That's a strange spot for a war to be in, and an even stranger spot for a democracy to accept without much fuss.
Source: Read the original at Meduza → Scored: Song of the Volga Boatmen · Kevin MacLeod · CC BY 4.0
Read it scored.
Every story, every clown, every kazoo — in your pocket. Music plays automatically. Regret is optional.
GET IT ON iOS GET IT ON ANDROID
OR FOLLOW THE DESK ON BLUESKY →
© 2026 The Daily Buffoon · Satire, scored. Privacy · Support · Music credits · On satire · Bluesky