VOL. I · NO. 8625MONDAY, OCTOBER 12, 20265¢
The Daily Buffoon
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WHITE HOUSE ✒ EDITORIAL ABSURDITY:

Great Lakes lab hit by DOGE is hanging on — for now

Filed 48m ago · Via Michigan Advance · The Buffoon Desk
THIS STORY IS SCORED
Canon in D Major
Kevin MacLeod · incompetech.com · CC BY 4.0
Photo: Cecil Stoughton. White House Photographs. John F. Kennedy Pr · Public domain · via Wikimedia Commons

The Great Lakes Environmental Research Laboratory in Ann Arbor has survived two White House attempts to eliminate its funding, in fiscal 2026 and 2027 budget requests, thanks to Congress keeping its base funding largely intact. But DOGE-driven firings cut the lab's federal staff from 52 to 34 employees, a roughly 35% reduction, former director Deborah Lee told Michigan Advance.

Lee said she was given ten minutes to pick one employee off a DOGE firing list to save, with no input on which roles the lab actually needed. The lab has gone without a permanent director since her February 2025 retirement, and NOAA declined to say whether it plans to fill the post.

NOAA spokesperson Theo Stein said the lab continues pursuing its mission of researching water quality, ice cover and fisheries, but declined to detail staffing losses or replacements. Rep. Debbie Dingell said the lab's remaining staff are stretched thin and expressed hope that next month's midterms could restore funding levels.

The full dispatch is available from the source below.

✒ FROM THE EDITORIAL DESK
Ten minutes to pick who keeps their job is not efficiency, it's a dare. The White House tried twice to zero out this lab's budget and failed twice, then settled for gutting the staff anyway and calling the empty chairs a continuation of the mission. A freshwater lab with no permanent captain for going on two years isn't surviving, it's drifting, and somebody in Washington seems fine with that.
Source: Read the original at Michigan Advance → Scored: Canon in D Major · Kevin MacLeod · CC BY 4.0
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