VOL. I · NO. 8619TUESDAY, OCTOBER 6, 20265¢
The Daily Buffoon
ADVERTISEMENT
WHITE HOUSE ✒ EDITORIAL ABSURDITY:

Michigan’s next governor will face major challenges at the Department of Corrections

Filed 50m ago · Via Michigan Advance · The Buffoon Desk
THIS STORY IS SCORED
Laconic Granny
Kevin MacLeod · incompetech.com · CC BY 4.0
Photo: Greghenderson2006 · CC BY-SA 4.0 · via Wikimedia Commons

Michigan's Department of Corrections faces bipartisan criticism after five women died at Women's Huron Valley Correctional Center in recent months and corrections officers reported a surge in violence and disturbances over the summer. Director Heidi Washington has held the post more than 11 years under both a Republican and a Democratic governor.

Democrat Jocelyn Benson and Republican John James, the major-party candidates for governor, both declined interview requests from the Michigan Advance on the issue. Benson answered in a written statement promising new leadership and accountability standards; James's campaign did not respond to written questions at all.

State data through May 2026 show vacancy rates at some facilities as high as a quarter of positions, with union president Byron Osborn describing officers working consecutive 16-hour shifts. Lawmakers from both parties say they agree something must change but acknowledge no single policy will fix it.

The full dispatch is available from the source below.

✒ FROM THE EDITORIAL DESK
A fence with a quarter of its posts missing doesn't hold cattle, and a prison running on mandatory overtime doesn't hold together either. Both candidates found time to run for governor but not twenty minutes to talk about the people currently working double shifts inside a dying institution. When the only agreement in a bipartisan crisis is that someone else should answer the phone, you learn plenty about who actually wants the job.
Source: Read the original at Michigan Advance → Scored: Laconic Granny · Kevin MacLeod · CC BY 4.0
Read it scored.
Every story, every clown, every kazoo — in your pocket. Music plays automatically. Regret is optional.
GET IT ON iOS GET IT ON ANDROID
OR FOLLOW THE DESK ON BLUESKY →
© 2026 The Daily Buffoon · Satire, scored. Privacy · Support · Music credits · On satire · Bluesky