VOL. I · NO. 8584TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 1, 2026
The Daily Buffoon
WORLD ABSURDITY: 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

Ukrainian ombudsman alleges corrupt draft officials charge up to $70,000 to smuggle men out of the country to evade mobilization

Filed 48m ago · Via Meduza · The Buffoon Desk
THIS STORY IS SCORED
Sneaky Snitch
Kevin MacLeod · incompetech.com · CC BY 4.0
Photo: European Parliament · CC BY 4.0 · via Wikimedia Commons

Dmytro Lubinets, Ukraine's parliamentary human rights commissioner, says corrupt staff at territorial recruitment centers are now offering a $50,000-70,000 'turnkey' service to smuggle draft-eligible men off buses and out of the country. He stressed the claims remain unverified, with corruption concentrated in Zakarpattia and rarer near the front lines in Zaporizhzhia and Kharkiv.

Lubinets previously said officials demanded $10,000 to let someone off a bus and double that to leave the building entirely — with no guarantee against being detained again the next day. He also said the position of TRC director itself once cost roughly $50,000, though he claims things have improved under new armed forces commander Mykhailo Drapatyi.

By his own estimate, only 2% of mobilized individuals reach the front each month. Lubinets also dismissed talk of holding elections during the war, calling that constitutionally barred without a ceasefire.

The full dispatch is available from the source below.

Source: Read the original at Meduza → Scored: Sneaky Snitch · Kevin MacLeod · CC BY 4.0
ADVERTISEMENT
Read it scored.
Every story, every clown, every kazoo — in your pocket. Music plays automatically. Regret is optional.
GET IT ON iOS GET IT ON ANDROID
© 2026 The Daily Buffoon · Satire, scored. Privacy · Support · Music credits · On satire