VOL. I · NO. 8565THURSDAY, AUGUST 13, 2026
The Daily Buffoon
WHITE HOUSE ✒ EDITORIAL ABSURDITY: 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

Donald Trump empowers US private companies to conduct cyber-attacks

Filed 1w ago · Via The Guardian · The Buffoon Desk
THIS STORY IS SCORED
Five Card Shuffle
Kevin MacLeod · incompetech.com · CC BY 4.0

Trump signed a memo directing the government to let private companies conduct offensive cyber operations against foreign

transnational criminal organizations,

under government direction, control and authority. Participating companies must maintain a bond or escrow of at least $1 million and will be vetted before conducting

cyber surveillance

The full dispatch is available from the source below.

✒ FROM THE EDITORIAL DESK
Handing private firms the authority to launch cyber-attacks under vague government oversight, backed by a bond that amounts to a rounding error for most contractors, sounds less like a cybersecurity strategy than an outsourcing scheme dressed up in national security language. When nobody at DHS or the White House can explain the details, that's usually because the details aren't the point.
Source: Read the original at The Guardian → Scored: Five Card Shuffle · Kevin MacLeod · CC BY 4.0
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