VOL. I · NO. 8592WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 9, 2026
The Daily Buffoon
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CULTURE ✒ EDITORIAL ABSURDITY:

U.S. Open Stunner: American Ben Shelton Dethrones Carlos Alcaraz

Filed 3h ago · Via HuffPost · The Buffoon Desk
THIS STORY IS SCORED
Farting Around
Kevin MacLeod · incompetech.com · CC BY 4.0
Photo: Rijksmuseum · CC0 · via Wikimedia Commons

Ben Shelton beat defending champion Carlos Alcaraz 6-7(5) 6-1 6-3 1-6 7-6(10-7) in the latest-finishing match in U.S. Open history, advancing to face fellow American Frances Tiafoe in the semifinals. The match began just before midnight and ended around 3:33 a.m.

Alcaraz, playing his first major since a five-month layoff for a wrist injury, won a tense first-set tiebreak before a wobble let Shelton level the match, and he vomited into a towel during a break before Shelton closed it out in the decider.

The result keeps alive American hopes for a first men's Grand Slam singles champion since 2003.

The full dispatch is available from the source below.

✒ FROM THE EDITORIAL DESK
You have to hand it to a match that runs past three in the morning and still keeps people watching, that is either great tennis or a genuine sleep disorder among tennis fans. Either way, a man losing his lunch into a towel and still forcing a fifth set tells you everything about how close this one was.
Source: Read the original at HuffPost → Scored: Farting Around · Kevin MacLeod · CC BY 4.0
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