VOL. I · NO. 8571WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 19, 2026
The Daily Buffoon
WHITE HOUSE ✒ EDITORIAL ABSURDITY: 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

Cursive writing and autism-specific teacher training among new laws for the new school year

Filed 1w ago · Via Florida Phoenix · The Buffoon Desk
THIS STORY IS SCORED
Merry Go - Distressed
Kevin MacLeod · incompetech.com · CC BY 4.0
Photo: Unknown authorUnknown author or not provided · Public domain · via Wikimedia Commons

Florida's new school-year laws include mandatory cursive proficiency testing by fifth grade, required annual autism training for school staff, and a rule that portraits of George Washington and Abraham Lincoln be displayed conspicuously in every public school. Another law lets authorized professors carry guns on college campuses and requires high schools to forward disciplinary threat records to colleges.

Additional provisions let students satisfy PE credits via Special Olympics or dance classes, cap coaches' personal athlete spending at $15,000 a year, and impose statewide uniform GPA weighting for honors and AP courses — a response, in part, to a Hillsborough County student who reportedly racked up an 11.99 GPA by gaming dual-enrollment boosts. A separate rule strips Florida Virtual School's former priority placement for homeschoolers, military families, and rural students, mandating it instead serve everyone equally.

The full dispatch is available from the source below.

✒ FROM THE EDITORIAL DESK
Nothing says coherent education policy like bundling cursive tests, armed professors, and a numerical GPA scale that can apparently exceed 4.0 into a single legislative session. Somewhere between the presidential portraits and the dance-class PE credit, one suspects the actual goal was volume, not vision.
Source: Read the original at Florida Phoenix → Scored: Merry Go - Distressed · Kevin MacLeod · CC BY 4.0
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