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THIS STORY IS SCORED

Hamster March

Kevin MacLeod · incompetech.com · CC BY 4.0

The engineering finding here is “aren’t good enough,” which is not a certification standard so much as a mood, and it arrives bundled with a grievance that Americans buy the products anyway. Note the structure: a foreign company’s success in our market is offered as proof of its parasitism, and the remedy is announced not by tariff schedule or statute but by post, with the menace pre-installed in the capital letters. Then, having settled continental trade, the same paragraph pivots to liquor endorsements and a body of water renamed by fiat, as though the presidency were a hotel gift shop with a foreign policy. “Thank you for your attention to this matter” is doing heroic work at the end of a matter no one can locate.