Honoring the American History of the Great Lakes and Renaming Lake Ontario as Lake America

Filed 1mo ago · Via White House · The Buffoon Desk

THIS STORY IS SCORED

One-eyed Maestro

Kevin MacLeod · incompetech.com · CC BY 4.0

Photo: President (2001-2009 : Bush). Office of Management and Admin · Public domain · via Wikimedia Commons

A White House executive order directs the Interior Secretary to rename Lake Ontario as “Lake America” within 30 days, citing U.S. Coast Guard icebreaker deployments, nearly $4 billion in ecosystem investment, and the claim that the deepest parts of the lake lie within U.S. territory.

The order instructs the Board on Geographic Names to scrub all federal references to Lake Ontario from maps, contracts, and databases, replacing them with the new name.

Notably, the lake is bounded on its north, west, and southwest by the Canadian province of Ontario, a fact the order acknowledges only while drawing the boundary line for the renaming itself.

The full dispatch is available from the source below.

✒ FROM THE EDITORIAL DESK

Renaming a body of water you share with a neighbor is the diplomatic equivalent of writing your name on both halves of a roommate's sandwich because you bought the mustard. The itemized receipts attached to the order — icebreakers, billions, depth measurements — read less like statecraft than a landlord justifying a rent hike. Cartography by press release is still cartography by press release, and the lake, we suspect, remains unmoved.

Source: Read the original at White House → Scored: One-eyed Maestro · Kevin MacLeod · CC BY 4.0