VOL. I · NO. 8579THURSDAY, AUGUST 27, 2026
The Daily Buffoon
COURTS ✒ EDITORIAL ABSURDITY: 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

Chinese tech giant challenges Department of Defense designation

Filed 1h ago · Via Courthouse News · The Buffoon Desk
THIS STORY IS SCORED
Meanwhile in Bavaria
Kevin MacLeod · incompetech.com · CC BY 4.0
Photo: Michael Rivera · CC BY-SA 4.0 · via Wikimedia Commons

Alibaba is suing the Department of Defense over its designation as a Chinese military company and over a subsequent federal statute barring the Pentagon from contracting with any firm that hires a lobbyist also working for a blacklisted Chinese company. The company says it went from two dozen U.S. lobbyists to zero once the law passed, and argues the statute violates its First Amendment rights by making lobbyists choose between Alibaba and thousands of other, non-blacklisted clients.

At a hearing on Alibaba's request for a preliminary injunction, U.S. District Judge Eumi Lee pressed the government on whether it had shown any actual evidence of the espionage risk the law is meant to prevent, calling the record 'thin.' A Justice Department attorney conceded a congressional act does not outweigh a constitutional right, but argued it should be 'given consideration.'

Lee took the matter under submission without tipping her hand, leaving Alibaba's lobbying roster, and the law's constitutionality, in limbo.

The full dispatch is available from the source below.

✒ FROM THE EDITORIAL DESK
Nothing says confidence in your own national-security rationale quite like showing up to court and asking a judge to take your word for it. If the risk were as obvious as advertised, presumably someone could have written it down.
Source: Read the original at Courthouse News → Scored: Meanwhile in Bavaria · Kevin MacLeod · CC BY 4.0
ADVERTISEMENT
Read it scored.
Every story, every clown, every kazoo — in your pocket. Music plays automatically. Regret is optional.
GET IT ON iOS GET IT ON ANDROID
© 2026 The Daily Buffoon · Satire, scored. Privacy · Support · Music credits · On satire