VOL. I · NO. 8621THURSDAY, OCTOBER 8, 20265¢
The Daily Buffoon
ADVERTISEMENT
WHITE HOUSE ✒ EDITORIAL ABSURDITY:

FDA says its abortion pill review will finish in December, and it’s report will be due by March

Filed 54m ago · Via Arizona Mirror · The Buffoon Desk
THIS STORY IS SCORED
Duet Musette
Kevin MacLeod · incompetech.com · CC BY 4.0
Photo: Pete Souza · Public domain · via Wikimedia Commons

The FDA told a federal court it expects to finish its safety review of abortion pills by mid-December and issue a report by March 2027, a timeline that lines up with reporting that the administration wants to delay abortion decisions past the midterms. The review, announced last spring by HHS Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. after anti-abortion pressure on telemedicine prescribing, compares medication abortion's safety record to surgical abortion and reconsiders the 2023 telehealth rule.

Anti-abortion leaders are already rejecting the process in advance, with Susan B. Anthony Pro-Life America calling it fool's gold rather than the gold-standard study they were promised, and Americans United for Life threatening to reject anything resembling a rubber stamp. They want the FDA to use broader insurance claims data, pointing to non-peer-reviewed white papers claiming a 22-times-higher adverse event rate using a looser definition than the FDA's own standard.

A law professor told Stateline she expects the review's outcome to be shaped by political calculation rather than science, since Republicans appear wary of the political cost of new restrictions. A researcher who has studied medication abortion's safety record separately cautioned that insurance claims data poorly captures telehealth abortion, since most telehealth providers do not take insurance.

The full dispatch is available from the source below.

✒ FROM THE EDITORIAL DESK
An agency promising a gold-standard review while the people who demanded it call it fake before a single page is written tells you the review was never going to satisfy anybody, including possibly the people writing it. The timeline landing conveniently after the midterms is the kind of coincidence that keeps happening to this administration on every subject voters might punish them for. When even your allies say they'll reject your homework before you turn it in, you might not be doing science so much as stalling with extra steps.
Source: Read the original at Arizona Mirror → Scored: Duet Musette · Kevin MacLeod · CC BY 4.0
MORE FROM THE DESK
THE EDITION OF THURSDAY, OCTOBER 8, 2026 → · THE ARCHIVE
Read it scored.
Every story, every clown, every kazoo — in your pocket. Music plays automatically. Regret is optional.
GET IT ON iOS GET IT ON ANDROID
OR FOLLOW THE DESK ON BLUESKY →
© 2026 The Daily Buffoon · Satire, scored. Archive · Privacy · Support · Music credits · On satire · Bluesky