VOL. I · NO. 8599WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 16, 20265¢

THE EDITION

Wednesday, September 16, 2026

135 stories filed by the Buffoon Desk.

CULTURE This Unexpected, Affordable Tool Can Ease Your Back Pain In Minutes · via HuffPost

WORLD Von der Leyen warns of rising Russian threats, calls for EU emergency security protocol · via NV

CULTURE Fight The 'Exploding Diarrhea' Parasite With This 1 Everyday Tool You Need Anyway · via HuffPost

WORLD Russian drone strike kills five passengers on Nikopol bus · via NV

CULTURE This Multitasking Skincare Product Will Fool Everyone Into Thinking You Have Flawless Skin · via HuffPost

WORLD Ukraine’s parliament passes law to fight scam call centers · via NV

WORLD Far-right AfD hits record polling support as Merz's conservative bloc slumps in Germany · via NV

WORLD Magyar confirms Russian general Anton Grunis killed in Donetsk Oblast — video · via NV

WORLD The boy who was found dead in the storm drain · via The Telegraph

COURTS Monopolist Google gets ‘behavioral’ guardrails and a monitoring plan · via Courthouse News

WORLD Russia extends diesel export ban through October as fuel shortages persist · via NV

CULTURE Advent Calendars Are Already Here. Get The Best Ones Before They Sell Out. · via HuffPost

WORLD Estonia opens talks with France on joining nuclear initiative · via NV

CULTURE This Rocker Is Helping Shoppers Lose Weight And Improve Balance — And It's Shockingly Only $50 Today · via HuffPost

COURTS Feds sue San José claiming ‘exorbitant’ concealed carry license fees · via Courthouse News

WORLD Ukraine’s parliament backs VAT on imported parcels under 150 euros in first reading · via NV

CULTURE If You Still Haven't Recovered From Decimating Your Eyebrows In The '90s, You Need This Brow Pen · via HuffPost

COURTS Illinois winery chugs forward in California alcohol sales lawsuit · via Courthouse News

WORLD Ukrnafta begins ORLEN Arctic diesel deliveries to Ukraine ahead of winter · via NV

CULTURE This What I Use To Combat Daily Sweaty Stink — And It's Not A Stick Deodorant · via HuffPost

WORLD Russia losing coal market share in Turkiye as seaborne deliveries stop · via NV

CULTURE Finding A Great White Tee Is So Hard. These Are Our Editor's Favorites After Testing So Many · via HuffPost

COURTS Brazil tightens control over critical mineral deals · via Courthouse News

COURTS Outlet mall owners ask Texas Supreme Court to axe mass shooting lawsuit · via Courthouse News

COURTS Wisconsin Supreme Court signals openness to congressional map challenges · via Courthouse News

COURTS Ninth Circuit deals blow to Kalshi on tribal land · via Courthouse News

COURTS Judge slams feds for failing to protect Sierra Nevada red fox · via Courthouse News

CULTURE Putin’s United Russia will win – but vote tally, turnout and level of coercion will tell the real story of Russia’s wartime elections · via The Conversation

COURTS Man shot by Border Patrol agents in Portland released · via Courthouse News

COURTS Durbin pours cold water on Democratic hopes for SCOTUS hardball · via Courthouse News

COURTS Colorado woman asks 10th Circuit to revive fight over political retaliation in Utah · via Courthouse News

COURTS Coders lose appeal in copyright fight against AI tools · via Courthouse News

COURTS Judge blocks wildfire mitigation measures to protect spotted owls near Mount Shasta · via Courthouse News

WHITE HOUSE The Epstein reckoning hits the campaign trail, including in Arizona · via Arizona Mirror

WHITE HOUSE Benson, James pitch tariff remedies, business boosts & data center limits at Detroit Economic Club · via Michigan Advance

WORLD ‘Don’t shoot. Listen’: The AI-aided quest to understand Yellowstone’s wolves · via Mongabay

COURTS California analyst reports on state’s ‘astonishing’ cash balance · via Courthouse News

COURTS Air purifiers not HEPA-grade · via Courthouse News

COURTS Mammoth Hockey bagmaker asks 10th Circuit to block Utah team from selling bags under same name · via Courthouse News

COURTS Child porn victims take aim at Epstein estate over photo collection · via Courthouse News

WHITE HOUSE Fact Sheet: President Donald J. Trump Provides Meaningful Water Quality Improvements Through Collaboration and Oversight of Federal Support · via White House

COURTS California governor hits the gas on classic car legislation · via Courthouse News

WHITE HOUSE Feds ask judge to reject NJ law restricting ICE agents from wearing masks · via Florida Phoenix

WHITE HOUSE Fact Sheet: President Donald J. Trump Restores Reciprocity in Government Procurement · via White House

COURTS Fed raises interest rates for first time in three years · via Courthouse News

COURTS Kansas city asks 10th Circuit to save sign regulation after cheeseburger challenge · via Courthouse News

WHITE HOUSE Congressional Bills S. 32 and S. 307 Signed into Law · via White House

COURTS Congress eyes overhaul to judicial conduct laws · via Courthouse News

WHITE HOUSE State colleges, preK-12 schools must implement AI guardrails before July · via Florida Phoenix

WORLD EU plans new firefighting fleet after deadly summer heat wave · via Mongabay

WHITE HOUSE National POW/MIA Recognition Day, 2026 · via White House

COURTS Trump’s plan to curtail federal agencies troubles First Circuit · via Courthouse News

WHITE HOUSE Right to Life Michigan says it opposes constitutional convention after DeBoyer comments on abortion · via Michigan Advance

WHITE HOUSE Jolly and Donalds clash on property insurance proposals · via Florida Phoenix

WORLD Bolivia’s mining law overhaul raises environmental and community concerns · via Mongabay

CULTURE US consumers and businesses are now facing a future of more expensive borrowing · via The Conversation

WHITE HOUSE Constitution Day, Citizenship Day, and Constitution Week, 2026 · via White House

COURTS Duterte makes courtroom debut as defense struggles with mountain of evidence · via Courthouse News

OP-ED Not as the Animal · via The Daily Buffoon

COURTS Québec court orders voter information in English and French · via Courthouse News

WORLD Ukraine’s Third Army Corps command reveals a months-old counteroffensive in northern Donetsk region. Its ultimate goal remains unknown. · via Meduza

COURTS Death row inmate says juror discrimination tainted murder case · via Courthouse News

WORLD A Russian drone strike destroyed a warehouse in Kyiv full of props from Volodymyr Zelensky’s former comedy studio, but the studio says all scheduled concerts will go ahead · via Meduza

COURTS Ex-Kosovo president gets 25 years for wartime torture, murder · via Courthouse News

WHITE HOUSE Congressional Black Caucus conference begins amid concerns over Callais, Voting Rights Act · via Florida Phoenix

WORLD Ukrainian drone attacks halted two refineries run by Russian oil giant Rosneft. Three of Russia’s six biggest diesel-producing refineries are now sharply reducing output or fully shut down. · via Meduza

COURTS Americans across party lines say no to political violence · via Courthouse News

WHITE HOUSE ‘Facts first, conclusions second’: House committee begins review of ballot measure procedures · via Michigan Advance

WHITE HOUSE Charlie Kirk’s family says lapses in event security at Utah campus left him ‘helpless’ · via Florida Phoenix

WORLD ‘A good way to die’: triumph and tragedy among dispersing African wild dogs · via Mongabay

CULTURE If you’re on GLP-1 drugs and plan to fast for Yom Kippur, here’s what you need to know · via The Conversation

COURTS Stowaway looks to jettison conviction for sneaking onto Paris-bound plane · via Courthouse News

WHITE HOUSE Democratic group launches $1M ad blitz highlighting Jay Feely’s allegiance to Donald Trump · via Arizona Mirror

WHITE HOUSE US House to leave for campaign break without action on AI, affordability · via Michigan Advance

WHITE HOUSE FDA acknowledges estrogen patch shortage, says it’s working to increase supply · via Stateline

WORLD EU chief proposes a European Security Council with partners including Ukraine, Canada, and the U.K. — plus a threat-alert system independent of NATO · via Meduza

WORLD ‘Carnival of the Nearly Extinct Animals’ celebrates species with song · via Mongabay

CULTURE Rapid Houthi advances in Yemen pose massive strategic risks for Saudi Arabia in the Gulf · via The Conversation

WHITE HOUSE Safer, Stronger, Built in America: President Trump’s Record in North Carolina · via White House

WORLD The A’uwẽ-Xavante people's denunciation of megaprojects in Brazil · via Global Voices

COURTS Post-Maduro Venezuela has kept ‘repressive apparatus’: UN experts · via Courthouse News

COURTS Corruption trial opens over auto giant’s payments to former French justice minister · via Courthouse News

COURTS North Carolina governor loses election board appointment struggle · via Courthouse News

WORLD Russia sentences Ukrainian man to 8.5 years in prison in first known case under new ‘aiding the enemy’ law · via Meduza

COURTS In wartime Russia, veterans who fought in Ukraine are running for parliament · via Courthouse News

WORLD Ukrainian electronic warfare apparently knocked a Russian attack drone off course and into Lithuanian airspace, the country’s president says · via Meduza

COURTS Netanyahu’s party seeks to impede Israeli expat voting · via Courthouse News

WHITE HOUSE South Lyon City Council directs staff to examine impacts of canceling Flock contract · via Michigan Advance

WORLD Moscow court frees four truck drivers unwittingly used by Ukraine in 2025 ‘Operation Spiderweb’ drone attack on Russian military airfields · via Meduza

COURTS House Republicans send lawmakers home early ahead of Hegseth impeachment vote · via Courthouse News

COURTS Weary Berliners head to polls seeking balm for crisis-hit housing market · via Courthouse News

COURTS EU offers to make Canada an ‘associate member’ as strains grow with US · via Courthouse News

COURTS Nepal raises flood missing toll by nearly 1,000 people to 6,150 · via Courthouse News

WHITE HOUSE More GOP lawmakers break with Trump on Iran as gas prices keep climbing · via Michigan Advance

COURTS Courts jail LGBTQ activists as Turkey crackdown widens · via Courthouse News

WHITE HOUSE ‘Alligator Alcatraz’ detainees were held in cages the size of a phone booth · via Florida Phoenix

WORLD U.S. uncovers network that plotted assassinations of Russian ‘dissidents’ in Washington and Vilnius. Among the suspects: an ex-colonel with Putin ties, his FSB officer son, and a Cuban dancer. · via Meduza

WHITE HOUSE Trump admin aims to shift homelessness grants toward addiction treatment, enforcement · via Stateline

COURTS Google’s $351 million app store deal clears UK tribunal, but cash won’t flow yet · via Courthouse News

CULTURE Eight rules to help you understand what campaign finance reporting reveals about influence and support – or doesn’t · via The Conversation

CULTURE Lockdown or active shooter drill? The distinction matters for children’s safety and well-being · via The Conversation

CULTURE How the American revolt against Flock cameras mirrors the Boston Tea Party of 1773 · via The Conversation

FACT CHECK Congressional Award Foundation: Review of the FY 2025 Financial Statement Audit · via GAO

CULTURE Why an overactive immune system attacks the bodies of people with lupus but still leaves them vulnerable to infection · via The Conversation

FACT CHECK Federal Personal Property: GSA Can Better Assess the Effectiveness of Its Disposal Efforts · via GAO

CULTURE Even the Buddha experienced challenges with meditation: Historical texts reveal its potential downsides · via The Conversation

FACT CHECK Export-Import Bank: Expanded Use of Delinquent Federal Debt Data Could Better Mitigate Credit Risk · via GAO

COURTS The Mediterranean offers early warning for larger oceans · via Courthouse News

CULTURE Pardoned by Trump and escaping charges at home, ex-Honduran leader’s case shows a nation’s struggle for sovereignty · via The Conversation

WHITE HOUSE Poll finds voters favor US Senate candidates with plan for averting Social Security cut · via Michigan Advance

WORLD Russian general who briefed Putin on capture of Kostiantynivka killed in Ukraine · via Meduza

CULTURE Georgia’s First Need-Based Aid Comes to Campus this Fall — But Is It Enough? · via Daily Yonder

WORLD As Russia attacks Ukraine’s grid, solar offers a path to resilience · via Grist

WORLD Venezuela’s historic oil deal with the US reignites environmental, human rights concerns · via Mongabay

WORLD She governs a US territory. But she has no say in who mines its waters. · via Grist

WHITE HOUSE More states embrace ‘50-50’ child custody in divorce cases · via Stateline

WORLD Fishers bear deep costs of plastic pollution in Vietnam, but could help turn the tide · via Mongabay

WORLD Singapore's ‘permit regime’ undermines the citizens’ right to protest · via Global Voices

WORLD Russian forces strike Kyiv, setting warehouse on fire and injuring one · via Meduza

WORLD Trump and Xi Won’t Find Common Ground on AI Safety · via Foreign Policy

WORLD Yes, this summer really was as hot as you think it was · via Grist

WORLD Russian drone strikes bus in Ukraine’s Dnipropetrovsk region, killing 5 · via Meduza

WORLD A Bumpy Peace Election in the Philippines · via Foreign Policy

WORLD Türkiye steps up diplomacy to forge Black Sea agreement · via NV

WHITE HOUSE List of Democrats Who Voted to Stop Trump Impeachment Effort · via Newsweek

WHITE HOUSE One common plastic ingredient may affect children before they’re born · via Newsweek

WORLD For the first time, Congolese NGO to manage a DRC protected area · via Mongabay

WHITE HOUSE Voucher oversight splits candidates for Arizona schools chief · via Arizona Mirror

WORLD Missile strike damages Ozon warehouse and homes in Taganrog · via NV

COURTS Ninth Circuit questions executive authority over Arctic refuge oil and gas leases · via Courthouse News

WHITE HOUSE Debate about data centers emerges in Donalds-Jolly gubernatorial race · via Florida Phoenix

CULTURE John Mulaney Sneaks NSFW Swipe At DJ Khaled Into Emmys Sermon About Manliness · via HuffPost

WORLD NATO fighter jets intercept drone in Lithuanian airspace · via NV

TARIFFS How To Buy SpaceX (SPCX) Stocks & Shares · via Forbes

COURTS Hawaii high court grapples with $222M taken from Maui wildfire settlement · via Courthouse News

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